Open Wounds
by StoryPainter
Summary: Bella and Edward are high school sweethearts who marry right after college graduation. What happens when what's important gets lost in what's attainable. Will three years of separation change anything? AH/AU E&B eventually
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Gone, Gone, Gone**

She hurried through the house taking whatever she could get her hands on and shoving it into a small overnight bag. Certainly, if she were serious about leaving for good, she would have grabbed a bigger suitcase. Alcohol was still befuddling my brain. My ability to deal with the situation at hand faded into the background as my bed called to me from across the hall. I was being an ass. I knew this with absolute certainty; I just could not bring myself to do what was necessary in that moment to keep her from leaving. This threat was becoming like the boy crying wolf. I was too tired to deal with the drama so I crawled into bed and fell asleep with every intention of groveling the next morning.

The sun was high in the sky when I finally peeled my eyes open, immediately feeling the effects of my abundant liquor consumption from the night before. The business dinner had been borderline torture and I had ingested way more whiskey than I should have in order to get through the event. The women constantly vying for my attention were annoying, as usual, but I was focused on one in particular. She looked so much like my Bella, my wife, the woman who shared my house but no longer my life. We had drifted apart as I climbed the corporate ladder. Being a lucrative partner in a flourishing company at the ripe age of twenty-five was not accomplished by putting your family first.

A loud groan escaped my throat as I sat up and made my way to the bathroom. After thoroughly brushing my teeth and taking a hot shower, I headed across the hall to find Bella. An apology wasn't going to cut it this time. I was going to have to do some serious ass kissing to make up for the cluster fuck I had created. Only mildly surprised to find her bed empty, I turned and made the trek down to the kitchen where I knew my beautiful girl would be baking all kinds of scrumptious goodies. She always retreated to the kitchen when she was upset or angry. No pleasant smells greeted me, however, as I descended. There were no footsteps echoing around the large room. Bella was not there. After searching our entire home, I finally realized she was gone. This was getting frustrating. I grabbed the phone out of the charger and dialed the all too familiar number. I hated when she ran to him. Charlie was not my biggest fan these days.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Chief, it's Edward. May I speak with Bella, please?" I asked her father in the calmest tone I could muster.

"She's not here. Is there something I should know?" he countered with obvious aggravation. Conversations such as this were becoming increasingly frequent over the last two years.

"No, I just thought she mentioned she was heading over there today and I had a question to ask her. I guess I miss heard," I tried to assure my father-in-law so he wouldn't go ape shit on my ass.

"Edward, I swear," he began but I knew better than to let him continue. He enjoyed chewing me a new one way too much.

"Everything is fine, Charlie. I'll have Bella give you a call when she gets home," I said quickly before hanging up, not giving him any opportunity to respond.

"Shit," I grumbled into the emptiness.

The morning turned to afternoon and then evening with still no indication of where Bella had gone. I had contacted all of her friends, using the same excuse I gave Charlie, with no luck. No one knew where my wife was and I was starting to get worried. This was not like her. Even angry with me, she hated to think of me worrying about her. Apparently, she was beyond that.

Finally, at around eight that night, my cell rang. I rushed to answer it. The caller id indicated an unknown number but I answered it anyway, hoping to find out something about Bella. To my immense relief, her soft voice greeted me on the other end.

"Bella, darling, I've been looking everywhere for you," I answered, allowing my anger to come through a little.

"Look, Edward, I just wanted to let you know I'm okay, so you can stop harassing my friends trying to find me," she responded causing my irritation to grow.

"Why don't you just come on home, baby? I'll make us a nice dinner and we can talk about last night," I insisted in a calm yet forceful tone.

"I'm not coming back."

"What?"

"I am not coming back, Edward," she reiterated.

"Fuck, Bella, just stop this shit right now and come home, please," I pled rather pathetically.

"No. Goodbye, Edward."

The resounding silence surrounded me. No way was this happening. Maybe I had not given her the attention she deserved, but she loved me. She promised she would always love me. Could she really walk away so easily?

My answer arrived five days later in the form of divorce papers. Everything went downhill from there. She wanted nothing other than her own personal belongings that would be collected on a predetermined date in the near future. All I had to do was sign on the dotted line and my life would be over. For days I sat at the table staring at those damn papers, only moving when utterly necessary. The cell phone next to me and the house phone on the wall behind me began ringing incessantly the second day but I refused to answer either. Bella was gone. My marriage was over.

Eventually, the phone calls turned to visits and the ringing was interlaced with knocks on the door. All went unanswered as I continued to wallow in a puddle of my own self-pity.

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**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all thing Twilight related. I make no profit from posting my story.

**A/N:** I know I should not be starting a new story when I have three already hanging out there in desperate need of updating, but I just can't help myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Burning Ring of Fire**

Once I could not put off reality any longer, I began to work out a plan of attack. No way was I going to just let her walk away without a fight. The first call I made was to my lawyer. I informed him of Bella's desire for a divorce and my need to stop her from getting one. He assured me the paperwork to contest the dissolution of our marriage would be filed by end of business that same day. The second call was to my mother. After hearing her lecture regarding how worried she had been about me, I began to explain the circumstances of my sudden disappearance. Of course, she was surprised and upset by the news. Bella had not once spoken out about my pitiful performance as husband. She even pretended we were happily cohabitating whenever family was around. I really never deserved her, but I was determined to spend the rest of my life making up for my past transgressions. If she would just give me the chance.

The battle waged on for months before a court appointed mediator was assigned to help find some common ground to resolve our disputes. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and I was not prepared to settle for less than getting my wife back. Bella, however, refused to budge on the matter. She wanted nothing other than a few personal belongings from the house that held sentimental value for her and a clean break. In the end, I lost it all. Bella was allowed to simply walk away with only a small box filled with things she had retrieved from her room while I was watched closely by an over -friendly police officer. As he talked my ear off regarding things I didn't give a shit about, Bella packed up what little she wanted from her life with me and walked away. Just like that.

Everything I had worked so hard to attain became meaningless because it all cost me the one thing in life that meant anything. Realizing I was no longer pulling my weight at the company I had helped build, I requested my partners to buy me out so I could try to start putting the pieces of my life back together. I moved back into the house I had grown up in and wallowed. Instead of being a safe haven, my parents' home turned out to be a treasure trove of memories. Bella and I had our first kiss in the garden in the backyard. If I pressed my head against the glass of the northward facing window in my room, I could just make out the spot. We had lost our virginity to each other in the very bed I was now supposed to sleep in every night. We had our first fight on the front porch and our first make up kiss there too.

Mercifully, Mom and Dad gave me a few months to bathe in my own self-pity before they began to not so subtly suggest I start doing something with my life. To appease them, I started actually leaving the house from time to time. What they didn't know was that I usually just drove around to all the spots that had a special meaning for Bella and I. Forks was a small town, however, so I soon ran out of places to visit. Eventually, I found my way to the music room on the third floor of my childhood home and sat at the piano, sometimes for hours, just staring at the thing. Playing used to bring me so much joy, but I wasn't even sure I knew how to anymore. Maybe it was like riding a bike or, maybe, I would have to learn all over again. I dreaded the latter and feared all the memories that would likely surface if my hands touched the keys.

The only productive thing I did during those first few months was make a call to my sister-in-law, who also happened to be my personal accountant, and set up an account for Bella. All that I felt she was entitled was placed in the bank under Bella's name. Half of what I received from selling my portion of the company I co-owned, half of the proceeds from selling the house where it all fell apart, and half of my monetary value at the time of our separation. Rosalie assured me she would make Bella aware that the money was there and available for her to use as she desired but warned me that Bella probably would not spend a dime of it. Still, I arranged to have ten percent of any future income directly deposited into that account. The money was hers whether she ever took advantage of it or not. I may not have been required to give her anything but that didn't mean I couldn't at least try. If she ever needed it, the money would be there.

Reluctantly, I took a job in Port Angeles working with a friend from high school. Leaving the sanctuary of my parents' home was extremely difficult, but I hated commuting every day, so I leased an apartment just a few blocks from my new office. The job was easy enough considering the company was new but well-organized. Ben really had a knack for web design and essentially just needed someone to help with keeping the books. He taught me what he could in our down time and encouraged me to learn more on my own. We worked well together and I actually didn't dread going into work in the mornings. Some days were still nearly impossible, but I forced myself to get up and keep moving. Not a single moment passed that I didn't think about Bella and wonder how she was or what she was doing.

The first anniversary of her departure hit me like a ton of bricks and I stayed in bed all day crying for all that was lost that day. If I could just talk to her and tell her all the things I should have said, I knew I could make things right. I could convince her to come back to me. But no one would tell me where she was or help me get in touch with her. I even resorted to hiring a private investigator to find her, but my sister, Alice, somehow found out and put an end to that. She said Bella didn't want me to find her and that I should just move on with my life. Alice left in tears that day after I piled all my pent up anger at myself onto her. Another act to add to the long list of things I needed to atone for somehow. Alice and Bella had been best friends for years and I should have known she would protect her friend, even from me. And she was right to do so. I really wasn't in a good place mentally or emotionally.

On the second anniversary of the demise of my marriage, I forced myself to pretend like it was any other Sunday. I attended brunch at my parents' house and even stayed for movie night afterwards. I was trying to act the way I thought I should after two years. Most people would be dating by then, I supposed, but that was one step I was absolutely unwilling to take. I would only take this charade so far in order to put my family's thoughts at ease. No one knew how broken my heart still was after all this time. I preferred it that way. The last thing I needed was their pity. Fuck that. So, when they asked about my personal life, I lied. Although they wondered why I never brought over any of the women I was supposedly dating, they never questioned the validity of my fake relationships. I was stupid to think they ever really believed me.

Ben asked me to become a partner in his business because he thought I deserved more than a base salary for all the effort I was putting into his company. At first, I completely dismissed his offer. Taking on that much responsibility had already cost me everything. My associate was persistent, however, and I finally agreed. We decided to split all profits fifty-fifty but my role would remain the same. He assured me he did not expect any more than I was already giving. Personally, I loathed having free time because it gave me time to wonder about what might have been. The idea of not being available if she ever returned, though, kept me from getting in too deep. I wanted her to be able to actually see how much I had changed rather than only be able to tell her I would be there for her if she'd simply give me the chance. Ben and I made a lot of money running things the way we did and saw no reason to change our practices anyway.

The nightmares began a few months before the third year without Bella was marked off on the calendar. Sleepless nights were really beginning to wear me down by the time my sister paid me an unexpected visit. After taking one look at me, she insisted I go with her to New York to attend the opening of her husband's new art gallery. Jasper and I had been good friends once upon a time and I genuinely wanted to be there for him. My agreement was still reluctant and contingent on Ben's approval. When I approached him with my request, he not only agreed, he encouraged me to take a whole week rather than just the two days I initially asked about. Apparently, he thought I looked like hell too.

Two weeks later I was on a plane bound from Seattle to New York. Funny, I had no idea at the time how life altering that trip would turn out to be. I actually kind of dreaded it. There was so much I was going to have to catch up on at the office when I returned, but I knew this was an important event for my brother-in-law, as well as the rest of my family. I was determined to stop excluding them from my life just because seeing them was painful. I needed to find a way to live again despite my shattered heart. Attending Jasper's gallery opening was supposed to be the first step to mending some of the wounds I had inflicted over the past seven or so years.

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**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe, I just like taking the characters she created and mixing things up a bit. No harm intended and no profit made.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! I'm so amazed by the number of people who read the first chapter. I hope you enjoy this little story of mine and stick with it. I know a lot of time flew by in this one but things really slow down after this. I just didn't want to have a bunch of filler chapters telling every little detail of Edward's life during these 3 years. He missed Bella, that's about it, so none of the other details really matter, right? :-) If so inclined, let me know your thoughts on the story so far or just say hi. You can find me on twitter under the same name as here if you want. I mostly tweet about my almost 3 year old, but he does some funny stuff that I just have to share. The next chapter is almost ready to post so I'm thinking same time next week but I make no promises. Unfortunately, my in-laws are coming tomorrow so I'm not sure how much time I'll have to myself of the next few days. Wish me luck with dealing with them. I love them, but they suffer from foot in mouth disease. They also lack common sense and are completely lazy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Had to Happen Eventually**

As I waited for my luggage, I began to think back to the last time I was in New York City. Bella had never been and I wanted to give her the world. So, I started by taking her to NYC, promising vacations to many more cities in the future. Just another promise I had broken. We never went on another trip following that one. Shortly after our return, I immersed myself in all things work related. Everything had begun to fall apart subsequent to that. I rubbed my hands over my face trying to erase the memories of better days. I grabbed my small suitcase – that, just my luck, was just barely too big to be allowed as carry on – and made my way to the front of the airport. To my utter amusement, my older brother, Emmett, stood just inside the doors holding a sign that stated: "The Middle Cullen". When I was eight or nine years old, I had lashed out at my parents, telling them they did not love me as much as my siblings. My father later sat me down and told me about something called The Middle Child Syndrome. My brother had thought it all to be extremely funny. Obviously, he still did.

We hugged tightly when I finally reached where he was standing. I couldn't even remember how fucking long it had been since I had last seen my brother. In true Emmett style, he started a conversation and never mentioned how long I had gone without so much as a word his way. We effortlessly filled each other in on all the details of our lives. Emmett was one more reminder of how much I needed to get my relationship with my family right once more. We had always been so close, and I missed them all terribly. The drive to the hotel took about twenty minutes but that was all we needed to get to a point where we had filled in all the gaps of almost three years. Alice met us in the lobby and gave me a room key to one of the large adjoining suites the family would be sharing. Booking adjoining rooms large enough for all of us was a habit I was glad to find out continued. I liked having my own space to retreat to if necessary but also enjoyed having them all right there if I needed them for any reason.

Once I had hugged each member of my family, I threw my bag in the room designated as mine. Alice started dictating our schedules, as usual, and demanded that we all be ready to leave at precisely six o'clock. Jasper left earlier than the rest of us so he could be there to supervise all the last minute particulars. As instructed, I donned my tuxedo and joined everyone in the living room area of one of our suites just before six. Alice beamed happily when she walked out and saw us all standing there waiting. She let us know that a limo had been arranged and should be waiting for us downstairs. Since Alice and I were the only singles currently in the group, I offered her my arm as we made our way to the elevator. My mom smiled at us over her shoulder. She was obviously glad to have me there even though I could see she did not like the fact that Bella was not with me. I wondered if she still thought of Bella as one of her kids.

Esme had taken to Bella almost immediately upon meeting her. Bella had a difficult time adjusting to all the changes moving from living with her mother in Arizona to living with her father in Washington entailed. My mom happily took up the role of surrogate mother for Bella and treated her just like the rest of her children. She had done the same with Jasper and Rosalie as they joined the ranks as well. I always wondered how she knew the difference between the ones who would stay around and the ones who would be short term. Out of all the girls Emmett dated, Rosalie was the only one Esme took the time to really get to know; of course, she was living with us as well due to horrible circumstances. Still, I thought Esme knew what she was doing when she offered Rose a home with us. When Alice brought Jasper around for the first time, Esme hugged him when he offered her his hand to shake. She just seemed to _know_. Of course, I had screwed up royally and broke her family unit apart. As much as she loved me, she also hated me just a little bit for costing her a daughter. I could see it every time I found myself locked in her knowing gaze.

Jasper had truly outdone himself on the gallery opening. The layout was well-organized and allowed for an easy transition from one piece to another. There was an orchestra playing on one side of the room and a buffet area set up on the opposite wall. The arrangement encouraged mingling while still focusing on the works of art that covered the walls. I was completely enthralled with the paintings surrounding me, and hoped I would have the opportunity to meet the artist sometime that evening. There were even a few pieces that I was going to look into purchasing to add to my personal collection. As I rounded a corner, however, all coherent thought seeped out of my brain as I came face to face with myself.

There were over a dozen paintings that depicted various features of a man. The resemblance was uncanny. One was of the man's profile, another showed him as if the artist were looking down at him, and others showed just one or two features. They were all done in a way that made identifying the subject difficult – this seemed to have been intentional. But I could not get over how much what I was seeing on the wall resembled what I saw in the mirror each day. Every detail on the canvases could be found on my own face, and I wondered how on earth that was even possible. One painting, in particular, captured my attention. The entire background was green and the only feature displayed in it was an eye. A green eye. The same color green as my eyes.

For several minutes or longer, I simply stood there and gaped at the collection in front of me. Each time I tried to turn away, I found my feet glued to the floor. I was too shocked to even begin to comprehend how any of what I was seeing was feasible. It simply did not make sense. To my knowledge, I didn't know any successful artists. The pictures right before my eyes seemed to indicate otherwise, though. Either that or the man who posed for them was my doppelganger. I stood there entranced, staring and trying to figure out what I was seeing. Part of me wished I had a mirror available to make comparisons. I knew it was impossible that these beautiful works of art could be of me. Then I heard a voice I never thought I'd hear again. With a few words she confirmed my suspicion regarding the identity of the man who came to life in beautiful color under the talented artist who wielded the brush. Each stroke had purpose. They all mingled and blended together in perfect harmony to make up a complete image. I was too afraid to hope what this might mean.

"It took forever to get the green just right. I wanted to make sure the renderings were as perfect and unrelenting as the memory itself," she stated clearly but quietly from directly behind me.

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**Disclaimer: **SM owns all things Twilight. No harm intended by twisting these two into my own words.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for continuing to read :-) I'm thinking I might be able to stick to posting at least once a week and I'm aiming for Wednesdays - but don't hold me to it. RL is often a crazy mess and keeps me from writing as much as I'd like.

So...I feel the need to warn you that this isn't going to be all happy times now. There is some serious stuff that has to come out, but the next chapter won't be too horrible. After that, though, get ready for some angsty times.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Unrequited Love**

"Bella." Her name passed through my lips like a prayer. My heart thundered in my chest.

All I had to do was turn around and I would be face to face with my obsession, my heart. So, why wouldn't my body move? I was frozen. Seeing her could be a chance at redemption or the final nail in my coffin. Had she known I would be there? Did she even want me there? Her voice had been soft and I had not detected any animosity or surprise in her tone. Alice had been so adamant about me coming to this of all the shows Jasper had been responsible for over the years. I had believed her when she said it was because she thought I needed a break and that the family missed me. She knew how to get me to agree to anything.

I longed to see Bella's deep brown eyes. I wanted to feel her body pressed against mine in a tight embrace. If I turned around, I might lose all hope of ever having that again. Not being in her presence made pretending in a possible future much easier. God, I loved her. I knew in that moment, as if I ever doubted, that I always had and always would love her. The question I was scared to learn the answer to was whether or not Bella felt the same. In the next moment, the decision was made for me. Jasper approached us and asked Bella to come meet a few people. He quickly placed his hand on the small of her back and led her away. I didn't even get a chance to see her face.

She was quickly swallowed by the crowd, causing me to lose sight of her. Alice found me desperately searching for even a glimpse of her features. Knowing Bella was in the same room but still so very far out of my reach was excruciatingly painful. Bless Alice; she tried so hard to distract me from my utter misery. All I wanted was a chance to see Bella's reaction to my presence. Anger began to bubble to the surface as I realized that those closest to me had known where Bella was all this time but had lied to me about it. With a new direction for my emotions, I turned to confront my tiny little sister, trying my best not to unleash all my pent up frustration on her. At least, not until I discovered whether or not Alice had purposefully kept Bella's whereabouts from me.

"Alice, have you and Bella kept in touch these past three years?"

"Well, not the _whole_ time. She didn't respond to any of my calls or messages until after the divorce was final. I think she assumed we would abandon her just because you two weren't together anymore. Finally, when she accepted that we weren't going to give up on getting in touch with her, she came around," Alice spoke slowly, obviously considering each word carefully before she spoke it.

"Why didn't any of you tell me?" I couldn't help asking.

"She made us promise not to talk to you about her and vice versa. In order to have her in our lives, we had to keep our relationships with each of you separate. It wasn't easy, by any means, but it was worth it. I don't think any of us could have dealt with losing either of you," she confessed honestly.

"Did she ever ask about me?" I must be glutton for punishment.

"No, I'm sorry." Alice hugged me to soften the effect of her words and I held back the tears that threatened to show just how much what she said hurt me.

"How is she doing, really?" Apparently, I wasn't going to stop torturing myself any time soon.

"Edward, I can't…please," she pleaded and I nodded my head in understanding. I would not force her to choose sides.

We filled the next few minutes discussing anything and everything - except Bella. Alice and I had always been really close. I had truly missed spending time with her these past three years. I had pushed everyone away after losing Bella, but I wanted them all back, especially Bella. I was also actually happy to learn Bella had my family's support and was not alone. She deserved it. Probably more than I ever did. When I spotted her again later in the evening, she was surrounded by four of five people and she was smiling. A genuine smile graced her lips, her eyes twinkled with excitement and she looked perfect. If possible, she was even prettier at the age of twenty eight than she had been at twenty five. She was dressed in a simple yet elegant gown that just barely skimmed the floor as she moved, giving the appearance of her floating on air. The silky midnight blue fabric hugged her curves but wasn't too tight. My hands yearned to reach out for her. All my fantasies suddenly disappeared, however, as a tall figure approached Bella with an expression with which I was all too familiar. Alice grabbed my arm and began leading me towards the other side of the room when I caught sight of the man putting his hand on Bella's lower back. Instead of leaning away from his touch as I expected, she moved closer to the guy.

Who the hell was this jerk and why was he allowed to touch her in such an intimate manner? Bella's obvious comfort told me all I needed to know about the nature of their relationship. She was used to this type of interaction with him. I had no right to feel the anger that coursed through my veins. Of course, she had moved on and was dating other men. She was a beautiful woman who undoubtedly attracted tons of attention from the male population. She always had before and she was even more enchanting all these years later. She also exuded a confidence I had never seen as she had been so full of self-doubt when I had known her. I loved the way she held her shoulders back and her head high. And I wasn't the only man around to notice. My jealousy had me convinced that all eyes were roaming over every inch of her body just like mine.

"She didn't know he was going to be here," Alice stated, interrupting my train of thought. "If she had known, she would never have asked me to invite you," she confessed uncomfortably.

Her words replayed in my mind as I digested their meaning. Bella had wanted me there. She wanted me to experience this first with her. We had shared so many firsts. Knowing that Bella requested my presence gave me the dose of courage I needed to keep me from running away. If Bella would allow me to be in her life, I would gladly be there. Even if I could only be her friend, it was better than nothing. I could be her friend. I needed to earn her trust again. Then I could figure out how to get that jackass out of the picture.

"I'm fine, Alice," I answered the question lingering in her eyes. She was worried about me.

"We can leave if you want."

"No, no, Alice, this is Bella's night and I'm here for her in whatever capacity she wants."

"Oh, Edward, I can see this is hurting you, but we're all here for you if you need us," Alice assured me as she pulled me into a comforting hug.

"Thank you. I finally realized that my life isn't worth much if I don't have those I love around me to share it with."

Alice began jumping up and down in excitement at the implication of my confession. Yes, I would be around more and I would spend as much time with my family as possible. I was also on a renewed mission to recapture the woman I loved. In order to accomplish this goal, I would be most benefitted by a renewed relationship with my family. Rebuilding my connections with them, though, needed to be for the right reasons, so I quickly pushed that thought out of my head. We were soon joined by the other members of my family and I smiled at the easy way they enveloped me back into the folds as if I had never left.

Bella walked briskly across the floor just ten feet away from where we stood. Her face was red and I could see her angry tears threatening to spill any second. Not far behind her, the man I had seen with her earlier followed. Without even considering the possible consequences of my actions, I headed towards where they had disappeared, stopping when I could hear their whisper-yells over the sound of the orchestra playing some thirty feet behind me. Bella spoke through her restrained sobs as the guy pathetically apologized. Even I could tell he was not being sincere.

"James, I told you that I'm not interested in a serious relationship right now. You are free to date whomever you please. Why were you so mad that I invited someone here? I didn't even know you were going to be here. And, you showing up is exactly the kind of grand gesture I asked you to stop doing. You have no right to speak to me like you just did, especially not in front of people who have a lot of influence over my career," Bella's voice trembled in a way I recognized. She was fighting to keep control of her tone and her actions.

"I said I was sorry. Can we just forget about it?" he spat in return not even trying to mask his frustration as this point.

"Just leave, James."

I stepped back further into the shadows as James made his way back out into the crowd and towards the door. Bella stood there for a few minutes taking deep breaths. I watched as her chest rose and fell. She was truly breathtaking. Her hands reached up to smooth across both of her cheeks before she turned to rejoin the celebration of her creations. No longer able to keep my distance, I walked over to her and just hovered at her side. She didn't protest, but she didn't acknowledge me either. Not until we were back in front of the wall covered with images of me did she speak to me.

"These were a way for me to heal after everything. I really wanted you to see them before they were split apart and sold." She shivered as she spoke and I thought I knew why she became so emotional at the thought of these pieces being separated. I decided right then to buy the entire collection just in case she ever wanted them back someday.

"I always knew you were talented, but I had no idea just how much until tonight. Thank you for allowing me to be here for this."

"Edward, I…God, I don't know what to say to you and that makes me sad. But, I'm really glad you're here."

"I would do anything for you, Bella," I began but she didn't let me continue.

"Don't." She walked away from me then and I worried how much damage my actions during the last two years of our marriage had caused.

Would she ever be able to forgive me? Little did I know, I was only just beginning to see the extent of her pain.

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**Disclaimer:** SM brought Edward and Bella into existence. I make no claim to her characters...

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay in updating. My poor mother came for a short visit only to be stuck here for longer than she expected due to the crazy weather. We should be back on track now though...

There are still lots of unanswered questions about what exactly happened between these two, but they will be answered eventually. Bella and Edward have lots to talk about in the coming chapters, so be patient with them. They're good at miscommunication...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Reminiscing**

When we all reached our rooms, Alice informed me that "the kids" were all going out for drinks at a nearby bar and I was expected to join them. Not long after her announcement, we bid our parents ado and headed toward the elevator. I tried to focus on the here and now so that I could enjoy this time with my siblings and their significant others. Bella kept popping up everywhere, though. Watching her walk away earlier that evening had nearly crushed me. Being patient was going to test my limits, but I had to at least try to get her back into my life. Luckily, my companions chattered around me, allowing me a little space to digest the events of the day. I was actually looking forward to getting drunk and relaxing for a little while. I hadn't allowed myself anymore than a beer here or there since the night Bella left. Alice would ensure I didn't do anything excessively stupid if I drank too much.

Bella was standing outside the small bar, fidgeting as we approached. A wide smile spread across my face at the sight of her. She was absolutely breathtaking even in her simple attire of jeans and a hoodie. I almost liked this outfit better than the glamorous dress she'd worn to the gallery. She seemed more comfortable and confident in her everyday clothes. Of course, I would find her stunning no matter what she wore. A garbage bag would look good on my girl.

_I really need to watch myself_, I thought. I shouldn't go around thinking of her as my girl just yet.

We walked through the doors as a group but quickly paired off once inside. Bella placed her small hand on my arm as we made our way through the crowd to an open table. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest when I felt her skin against mine. I was so glad I had changed into jeans and a t-shirt, leaving my arms bare. Her hand was cold so I reached up and wrapped it in my free one. She didn't pull away from the gesture, causing me to smile inwardly.

The night kept improving from there, and I was even able to convince Bella to dance with me for a few slower songs. About the time I started thinking the night couldn't get any better, a resolved look settled onto Bella's delicate face. Before I had much of a chance to ponder the expression, Bella had her hoodie up and over her head. Underneath it she was wearing a tight, black sleeveless shirt that sparkled in the front. I hadn't noticed how tight her jeans were while covered by the long baggy sweatshirt. She turned to me, winked, and then walked toward the dance floor. Men noticed her immediately and she soon had a dance partner practically dry humping her out there. I swear I threw up in my mouth a little at the sight.

The part that disturbed me the most was the knowledge that Bella was torturing me on purpose. She knew exactly what the fuck she was doing. I quickly searched the club for my siblings so I could let them know I was leaving. When I spotted Alice, she was giving Bella a nod of approval. Rose was standing next to Alice also looking quite happy with Bella's actions. In my haste to get the hell out of there, I practically crashed into some poor girl. I didn't even pause to apologize. I just couldn't bring myself to give a shit at that moment. Bella had every right to be angry with me, I knew that, but I never thought she would do anything like she did back there. The suite was blessedly silent as I made my way to my room. I shed my clothes down to my boxers and climbed into bed with all the little bottles from the mini fridge. Drinking enough to forget this fucking day was my goal.

Sunlight shining through my window woke me from a dead sleep. My head was killing me as I struggled to sit up and get ready before my damn sister intervened. She used to wake us all up by singing stupid chick songs at the top of her lungs. That was one aspect about living at home that I certainly didn't miss. Thankfully, the morning pixie seemed to be off duty. The warm water of the shower helped to get rid of the funk that clung to my skin. Unfortunately, I still remembered how it got there. Bella's little performance was replaying on an endless loop in my head. Damn it.

Speak of the devil. I emerged from the bathroom to find Bella hunched over, sitting on the end of the bed. I tried to pretend I didn't notice her tears as I walked over to the dresser to get some clothes. I didn't even bother to go into the bathroom or turn around to get dressed. I dropped my towel, causing Bella to blush furiously. She surprised me by staring instead of turning around or covering her eyes. Bella was taking in every inch of my nakedness. I was so fucking confused. Just the night before she went way out of her comfort zone to hurt me and the next morning she's unabashedly watching me dress. And it was turning me on, too. Shit. This girl still owned me. She let out this weird little squeak noise at the sight of my arousal. I laughed as I slipped on my pants and walked out the door while buttoning my shirt. It takes two to tango, babe.

No one else was in the living room area when I entered. Without thinking too much about it, I headed to the kitchenette to start a pot of coffee. I heard Bella's timid approach, but I refused to acknowledge her before I had caffeine flowing through my veins. Luckily, the coffee maker was one of those one cup at a time deals, so I didn't have to wait long. Apparently, Bella understood that I needed a few moments because she sat silently as I enjoyed my first cup. Once I poured a second, I figured I was as ready as I would ever be to talk about whatever she came to say.

"Why are you here?" I may as well dive right in, I guessed.

"Do you remember the day we met?" she asked, confusing the hell out of me.

"Of course. I will never forget the first time I saw you, Bella," I answered unsure of where she was going with this.

"I thought you were so freaking beautiful. Then Jess started telling me all about you and your family and how none of you really talked to anyone outside of the five of you. I wanted you to make an exception for me. Honestly, I think I fell in love with you the first time our eyes met."

"God, Bella, you thought I was beautiful? We didn't talk to other people much because we moved around all the time. It was easier just to keep our distance. Until I met you, that is. You bewitched me from the very beginning. You know Rose gave me hell for talking to you, at first," I admitted.

"She did?"

"Yeah, she thought you would just make things harder for me if we had to move again." I watched as she absorbed my words. I had always tried to keep the harsh realities of life from her, but I refused to be anything other than completely open and honest with her now.

"I guess that makes sense. She's always been fiercely protective of her family," Bella stated, apparently unsurprised by my words.

"When she first came to live with us, Emmett immediately began to hover around her, trying to anticipate her every need. He hated that a man she trusted had hurt her and he wanted to take away her pain. I think having us all there for her when she was so used to being used for her beauty was weird for her in the beginning. She was raised as a meal ticket and her mom never made a secret of that. When the counselor heard her mom yelling at Rose in the hospital after Rose had been attacked, she could hardly believe her ears. What kind of mom yells at her daughter after being attacked like that? Her mom was upset that Rose told the police what really happened rather than protect that bastard. She thought Rose should still date him.

"Rose soon realized we were nothing like her mother and she was grateful for being loved for the first time in her life. She's loyal to us to a fault. It wasn't until Carlisle and Esme announced we wouldn't be relocating again until all of us had graduated high school that Rose finally decided to give you a chance. She has a really hard time trusting people. I can't say I blame her for that."

"The first thing I noticed about you was your eyes." She was changing the subject again. As hard as it was, I knew I had to let her lead the flow of this particular conversation. "They're so green and expressive. You looked at me like you could see straight into my very soul. I thought I was safe with you." She started crying again at that point and I felt like complete shit.

"Bella, I will never be able to tell you how very sorry I am for putting work first. It was stupid and I will regret the consequences for the rest of my life."

"I wanted you to hurt like I hurt. That's why I danced with those guys last night. When I saw that I had succeeded, I didn't feel better. I felt worse. I hate you, but I still love you. It's really confusing." Her words were like a punch in the gut. She hated me. Even though a part of her may still love me, I could tell the dominate emotion she felt toward me was hate. And that hurt.

"Why are you here?" I asked again, hoping to actually get an answer this time. As much as I liked cruising down memory lane together, I needed to know if there was any chance at getting her to stop hating me.

"I can't talk about that. I want to remember the good times because I'm so sick of feeling like this," she confessed as she slumped into the cushions of the couch. "Being with you without thinking of the last three years, well the last five really, helps but the anger is still there. I wish I could forgive you."

I wished she could too.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer is the sole owner of all things _Twilight _related. No harm intended here. Imitation is the purest form of flattery, after all :-)

**A/N:** So sorry that this is getting posted late...again. Raising an almost 3 year old is hard work! Plus, he keeps wanting to watch the movie Cars over and over and over... it's seriously killing my mojo!

We're fighting the potty wars again. He's totally against the idea. I try again every few weeks, but he's just not that into it. Maybe I should write a book about that...

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. You can follow me on twitter (I'm storypainter there too) and hound me about updates if you want. I'll always follow back :-)


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Long Road Home**

After returning home from New York, I dove into work, trying to distract from thoughts of Bella. She hadn't said another word before leaving me at the hotel. Bella was always leaving and it really pissed me off. So, I did the only thing I could. I tried like hell not to even think about her. It wasn't easy, but I had to forget in order to move forward. Not the healthiest way to go about it, maybe, but I couldn't come up with a better solution. Unfortunately, I couldn't control my dreams. Bella still had a starring role in those. There were just new images to mix with the old ones.

Hell couldn't be as horrible as the next three weeks were. Bella fell off the radar again, and I tried to pretend that was exactly what I wanted. No one spoke of her while I was around. So, other than the amount of time I spent with my family, everything went back to the way it was before the trip to New York. Except that wasn't totally true. I had seen how magnificent she had become. I had seen her art and wanted a part of that aspect of her life, desperately. But, I refused to think of her at all.

"How's that going for you?" Rose's snide tone ripped me from not thinking about Bella, again. I guess I had said that last part out loud.

"What?" I figured ignorance was the best route.

"Look, Edward, I know I'm not really supposed tell you anything about your ex-wife's spending habits," she stated out of the blue.

Rosalie doubled as my accountant as well as my sister-in-law. I trusted her judgment explicitly and she had turned my small fortune into a substantial one. Money was something I never had to worry about, but Rose made sure the entire family was exceedingly prosperous. She liked being able to help the family out any way she could, so she utilized her skills with money for all of our benefit. There wasn't much else she felt she could contribute, which was absurd in my opinion. Rose had a hard time believing we all cared for her no matter what. Of course, her upbringing and adolescence had a lot to do with that. None of this explained why she was actually talking about Bella in my presence. I had assumed that was against rule number one in the secret family rulebook to which I wasn't privy.

"Yes, Rose, I am well aware of that fact. Thank you," I responded bitterly.

"With that said, I think you should know there has only been one withdrawal from the account you placed in her name," she continued, increasing my confusion.

"I told you I didn't want to know anything about the activity regarding that account. Do you really think telling me she doesn't even use the money I set aside to ensure her comfort is going to make me feel better?" Had I done anything right by her? Damn it.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, brother dear. Let me finish, please?" She wasn't going to drop this, I knew her too well to assume such a thing, so I nodded for her to continue. "The one and only check issued from that particular account was made out to the bank that held the mortgage on a house you once owned."

"I don't understand."

"Think about it, Eddie. You're a smart boy, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually," she said as she stood up and walked out of my office.

Damn, that woman really knew how to mess with me. She had a knack for knowing exactly what to say and when to say it to spin my life around. Sometimes, I really thought she enjoyed doing it too. As usual, I chose to push all thoughts related to Bella to the back of my mind and continued on with my day as if I wasn't utterly baffled by Rose's words from that morning. When I finally walked through my front door that evening, I had one thing on my mind. Getting drunk to dull the pain was quickly becoming one of my favorite pastimes. I hated drinking because that's what had gotten me in this mess to begin with, but I was determined to block out the pain for at least a few hours.

My dreams that night revolved around the times Bella and I were blissfully happy. I had truly believed there was nothing but good things to come for us. I awoke in the wee hours of the morning, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks to the chest. Scrambling out of bed, I dug through the boxes stacked in the back of my closet until I found the one containing what I wanted. I sifted through the contents until I came across a picture depicting a smiling Bella held snuggly against my side. There was a wide smile on my face and I was holding up a set of keys with the hand that was not resting on my love's hip. We had just purchased our first home together. God, I was so content in that moment. My fingers traced the outline of the beautiful woman posing next to me.

The next day I drove out to the place where that picture had been taken. Luckily, it was a Saturday, so I didn't have to take a day away from work to make the trip. After about an hour of driving, I stopped in front of the last place I could remember being at ease. The house looked just like it in my memories. I was unsure whether that meant whoever owned it after us had kept everything the same or if someone had restored it to the way it was. There was no longer any doubt in my mind what Rose was talking about the day before when she threw out that tidbit of information regarding the account assigned to Bella. If she had indeed repurchased our old home, did that mean there was still a chance for us?

There was one of those new hybrid cars parked off to the side, and I just knew that it belonged to my girl. Yep, I was back to being an optimistic idiot. Not wanting to announce my presence just yet, I stopped at the end of the drive that led to the house and climbed out of my car. I walked around as memories of our time here slammed into me, crushing me and making breathing difficult. I hated myself for losing sight of what was once so precious and pure. Keeping my steps as quiet as possible I made my way to the backyard. What I found there stopped me dead in my tracks.

Bella was relaxing on a wooden lounge chair, sipping from a glass of what looked like ice water. Several easels were set up around the concrete patio. Each one displayed one of the paintings that had first caught my attention at the showing in New York. What startled me the most was the look of utter contentment that graced Bella's delicate face. She was happy here where we had made some of our best memories together. I wondered if she was thinking about some of those times. Certainly, the fact that she was gazing at these particular pieces of her collection meant she still felt something. Anything was better than nothing, right?

I had no idea how much time passed as I just stood there and watched her. She seemed so at peace and I tried to remember the last time she had looked that way at me. We met her junior year of high school after she moved to Forks to live with her dad. She and Alice had a few classes together and had become fast friends. When Alice introduced us, I swear the skies parted, the sun shined down and the angels sang. Okay, maybe not anything that dramatic, but I knew in that first moment that I wanted Bella Swan more than I had ever wanted anything before in my life. I may have only been eighteen years old, but I knew perfection when I saw it.

I must have made a noise or somehow given away that I was there because Bella suddenly looked in my direction. Our eyes locked for an instant before she smiled happily. When I began to make my way closer to her, that smile turned into a look of confusion and then a frown. In a matter of seconds, she went from seemingly happy to undeniably sad. Obviously, I was to blame.

"Are you really here?" she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: It's like leaving a greeting on your voice mail that tells the caller what to do. We all know that the _Twilight _universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Okay, only a day later than I intended this time. At least it's an improvement. I feel the need to warn you that the next chapter is a tough one for both of these two. We're not to the happy times yet, that's for sure.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Time Travel**

In that moment, standing there in the backyard we had spent countless hours in while turning this place into our home, I knew that I had not only failed Bella; I failed myself as well. By not being there for her, I ultimately hurt myself just as much as I hurt her. I would soon find out just how much I destroyed both of us by withdrawing from the love we shared. All the justifications that seemed so sound at the time – making more money to give Bella every material thing she could ever want, working hard now so I could relax later – were all deemed worthless as the storm of regret hovered above. As quickly as humanly possible, I crossed the yard and engulfed her in my embrace. She was so tiny and fragile yet so strong. Being with her was always enough. I just had a hard time accepting I was enough for her. I never felt deserving of her love. And that in itself was the root of all my problems both past and present.

We stood there holding onto each other for several minutes before she pulled away from me. I groaned as she put space between us, knowing that she was creating emotional as well as physical distance. Her actions should not have surprised me, but I found myself utterly frustrated with the situation. Of course, I only had myself to blame for it.

"I was just looking at these before I needed to box them up and ship them to the buyer," she explained as she gestured to paintings that surrounded her. I guessed she didn't know the identity of said buyer.

"I could save you all that trouble and just take them with me when I leave." I offered. The thought of leaving tore my heart into pieces, but I knew I needed to give her time to accept my presence in her life instead of hanging around every second as I longed to do.

"Oh, I didn't realize you purchased them. I guess I shouldn't be shocked, but I am."

I brushed the backs of my fingers across her face. My body craved hers and I couldn't stop myself from touching her in some way. She sighed and looked into my eyes with such sadness that it stilled my actions. With every part of my being, I wanted to heal the wounds she carried around inside her that caused her so much suffering. I knew I was the main reason for her sorrows, but I found it hard to believe that all of that emotion was my fault. Maybe that was just wishful thinking.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for…_everything_," I whispered close to her ear. I hoped she could hear the sincerity in my voice.

"Edward, we need to talk." She led me over to sit next to her on the patio and looked out into the yard.

I let the silence linger as she gathered her thoughts. So many ideas of what she wanted to say flew through my head that I was getting dizzy. Conversations that started with the phrase "we need to talk" never ended well. Maybe she wanted to ask me to stay out of her life. I didn't want to believe that though because she was the one who asked for me to step back into it in the first place. No, I refused to entertain that notion. Certainly, she would have said so when we were still in New York. She had the perfect chance when she approached me the morning after her show.

"Bella, you're killing me here," I admitted while trying to keep my legs from bouncing in anxious anticipation.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to build up a little courage here." She looked over at me, pleading for my patience.

"Okay, I'll try to just give you time," I relented reluctantly.

"This is harder than I even anticipated and that's saying something." She laughed as she spoke but it was a sad sort of sound. I was definitely not encouraged.

"What can I do to make this easier for you? I'll do anything, Bella. Please believe that," I implored as she sat there refusing to meet my gaze.

"I don't deserve your help with this one. You made a lot of mistakes, I'm not denying that, but I did too. I'm scared you will hate me." She began sobbing and I couldn't resist the urge to comfort her.

She allowed me to pull her onto my chair as I wrapped my arms around her, hoping to calm her at least a little. As minutes passed, I became more and more concerned regarding whatever this was about. How could she possibly believe I could ever hate her? Not that I'd done much in the last two years of our marriage to show otherwise.

"I could never hate you. Please believe that." I wanted to tell her that I was still in love with her, but I didn't think she would appreciate hearing it.

"And I once thought I could never hate you. Never say never." Her words were like daggers piercing the weak armor I had constructed around my heart the day I realized she wasn't coming back.

"I promise." I tried to assure her with my tone.

"You once promised to love, honor and cherish me above all others too. That didn't work out too well for me now did it?" She sounded so bitter, making me hate myself all the more.

"I may have focused on work way more than I should have, but I thought I was doing it for you. I know that sounds stupid, but I truly believed it at the time," I confessed.

"Sleeping with other women put me first? Sorry, not buying that one," she seethed, apparently angered by what I had just said.

"What are you talking about? I never cheated on you, Bella. How can you even think that?" I tried to keep my voice level but it wasn't working.

"Everyone talked about how you slept your way through all the partners' wives. Hell, some of the husbands even offered me a chance at revenge. Besides, you can't deny what I saw that night, Edward." She was screaming and I was more confused than ever.

"That night was filled with many horrible mistakes on my part, but I am not guilty of adultery. I _never_ cheated on you, I swear it."

"I was so excited when I heard you come home. You were so rarely around and I had something really important I wanted to tell you. I rushed down to your office only to find you in the arms of another woman and, now, you want me to believe that you were faithful to me?" she questioned incredulously. "I call bullshit."

As our argument escalated, we remained seated in the same chair. Bella was fuming, but she made no attempt to separate herself from me. I knew I should be concentrating on the subject at hand, but she was so close and I wanted her so desperately. Knowing that she believed I had been unfaithful to her definitely cleared up some of the things she said during the divorce proceedings. I couldn't believe I hadn't put two and two together back then.

Things had just gone from bad to worse. No wonder she hated me so much. Could I ever convince her that I may be guilty of many things, but I was always faithful to her?

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I can't claim Edward or Bella but I do like to manipulate them a little

**A/N:** So...we get a little information regarding the break down of their marriage. Still lots to learn though, and some of it's going to be really rough on poor Edward. Do you think Edward cheated? If not, why did everyone claim he was? Hmmmmm...

See ya same time next week (hopefully!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Losing Everything**

When we bought our first house, I had so many dreams and expectations for the future that Bella felt the need to tell me I needed to focus on one thing at a time. Somehow, that translated in my head as something completely different than she ever intended. As I sat there holding the woman I loved beyond all reason, waiting for her to tell me whatever she thought would make me hate her, I contemplated every misstep I ever took. Bella was my everything, but I managed to make her feel like she was nothing. When I looked back on how I behaved, I wished I could go back in time and smack myself in the head. How could I have been so utterly stupid?

"Bella, I am so sorry. I will never be able to express how sorry I am. I fucked up so much, and I would give anything to go back to do these past six years over again." I sighed into her hair as she began to tremble in my arms.

"Do you remember that weekend we spent together about two months before I left?" She was speaking so softly I could barely hear what she said.

"Of course, I remember, Bella. That was one of the best times of my life," I admitted.

"You surprised me by coming home early that Friday. You had a huge bouquet of flowers and this brilliant smile on your face. I really thought things were changing for us."

"The main project I had been working on was coming to a close and I knew I'd finally have more time to spend with you. I had already talked to the partners about lightening my workload and bringing in others to help us. The dinner I went to that horrible night was a celebration of closing several deals we had all been working so hard on. I was so excited and felt like I had finally made it to the point where I could step back a little rather than be in the middle of everything." I really had believed everything was getting better for us. I had been such an optimistic fool.

"I was so happy when you started talking about getting our relationship back on track. We talked about traveling and starting our family. You apologized over and over about being distant and unavailable for so long. And I thought you were being honest." She started sobbing again and was unable to continue for several minutes.

"Bella, I meant everything I said that weekend. Things really did get better after that, remember? I was home by six every night. We ate dinner together and just talked. Then that stupid night I had to go and ruin everything. I have no excuse for bringing that woman into our home. She reminded me so much of you that when she offered to make sure I got home safely, I just let her. I never imagined she would make a move on me, especially given how drunk I was. But, that's all it was, Bella, a stupid mistake. I was just about to send her on her way when she leaned in and grabbed my face before kissing me. That's when you walked in. I hadn't even gotten a chance to react before you saw us." I pled with my eyes for her to believe me and waited for a reaction to my confession. I really wished she had given me the opportunity to get this all out long before we got to this point.

Instead of discussing anything I just said, she comes out with, "Do you remember when you asked Charlie for his blessing to marry me?" She had a bright smile on her face, so I didn't push her to return to our previous topic. I'd take this chance to reminisce with my Bella.

"Yeah, he wasn't really happy that we wanted to get married. He was so convinced you could do better than me. Of course, he was right, but I hated that he thought so. I wanted to give you the world and I knew your dad's blessing was important to you."

"I didn't even know you were there until he started yelling about how you would ruin my life." She laughed heartily, causing me to smile for the first time in so long. It felt good to be with her like that again. I wanted to bottle up the moment so I could relish it forever.

"I planned on taking you to lunch after a nice, friendly chat with Charlie. As usual, nothing went as I hoped. At least he finally calmed down enough to see how in love we were. The last few times I spoke to him, he definitely made a point of reminding me about the promise I made that day," I said.

"He made you promise to never hurt me and to always put me first, no matter what," she whispered, getting lost in thought.

"I'm so sorry I let both of you down."

"How did we get here, Edward? Our life was so perfect before we moved to Seattle." Tears started streaming down her face and I was surprised to find I was crying as well.

"I screwed up and forgot to put you first," I admitted. "I truly did believe that working my ass off so I could give you the world was the best I had to offer. Since then, I've realized all you wanted was me. You would think I would have known better. My parents raised me better than that." I shrugged my shoulders to indicate all that I couldn't say. There really were no words to express how stupid I had been.

We sat there together in silence for several more minutes before we felt the first drops of rain. Bella jumped up and frantically began trying to save the paintings. It reminded me of why I had purchased them in the first place. She looked at them with a kind of reverence and I knew she didn't want to have to part with them. So, I'd bought them for her. Apparently, old habits really do die hard. I was still trying to buy everything I thought she wanted. As I helped her cover the canvases and run them to a small shed in the backyard, I decided to ask her what she wanted for a change.

"Are you disappointed that I bought these?" I questioned as I gestured toward the now covered renderings of my various features.

"No, not disappointed, just surprised. I wanted you to have them, but I promised Jasper he could offer all my works up for sale. I didn't realize that he even knew these existed at the time. When I saw them displayed, I remembered I hadn't taken them out of my studio. I was sad because I always meant for you to have them. They were a way for me to heal after everything, and I hoped they might do the same for you." Her explanation confused me a little.

"You knew I was suffering?"

"Not exactly, no. I could tell by the way your family acted whenever your name was mentioned. They aren't very good at hiding their feelings. So, I kind of assumed. Was I wrong?"

"No, you were…are right. I'm definitely not okay with not having you in my life. Losing you hurt me far worse than anything else I've ever experienced. It still does." I was reluctant to say the last part but, ultimately, I knew she needed to hear the truth. I didn't want to sugarcoat things for her anymore. Keeping stuff from her was part of why we were where we were. I wanted to think I had learned from my past mistakes.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** SM owns her characters. Sometimes I feel like they own me...

**A/N:** So, a few answers but not the _big _one, yet... we're getting there, though, I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Out of Control**

The difference between her suffering and mine was that I deserved it, she did not. When I looked at Bella and saw how much she was hurting, I felt horrible. She may have been the one who finally walked out the door, but I was the one who broke everything. I was the one who put my career before our marriage. I was the one who allowed that Bella-look-a-like into our home. No matter how innocent my intentions may have been, I had likely somehow encouraged her actions. I was so drunk, and she looked so much like my Bella. Ever since I had first met my Bella, I was as obsessed with her as I was in love with her.

Just when I thought we were finally going to get our marriage back to how it had once been, I fucked up in the worst possible way. There was no doubt in my mind about exactly who had been filling Bella's head with lies of my supposed infidelity. If I ever saw that motherfucker again I would make sure he knew precisely how I felt about his attempts to confuse and seduce my wife. The thought of her succumbing to his deception made my blood boil. I could imagine how the thought of me being with another woman hurt my Bella. She could forgive me almost anything, but thinking I had brought a woman home to fuck had to have crushed her. No wonder she had refused to speak to me for so long. Honestly, I was surprised she ever spoke to me again after that.

She had seemed to believe me when I swore I had never been unfaithful to her, but I wasn't stupid. I knew only time would give her the chance to trust me again. For over three years she had lived with the certainty of my betrayal. Even though she had been wrong, it had been the truth to her for so long that it was very likely ingrained into her psyche. I knew convincing her otherwise was going to take a long time, and I was prepared to wait – forever if necessary. Of course, all the knowledge in the world could not have prepared me for what came out of Bella's mouth later that afternoon.

"Should we go inside?" she questioned as she looked through the door of the storage shed where we had taken the paintings in an effort to save them from the sudden downpour. She was obviously uncomfortable being in such a tiny space with me.

"Sure," I agreed before thinking it through. Once the realization set in of where we were about to be, I began to panic a little. I was unsure if I could handle being in that house again with our relationship teetering on the edge of disaster. I was so afraid that she would rethink this tentative friendship we were forging and ask me to leave. The thought of being ejected from her life after finally getting a second chance to be at least some small part of it was heartbreaking.

I sat quietly at the dining room table as Bella made us some coffee. Even though the distance between the house and the shed had been minimal, we had both gotten soaked as we'd run through the yard. Bella disappeared once we were inside and returned a few moments later with a stack of towels. She dried her hair with one hand while holding a towel in offering with her other. She then quickly headed over to the kitchen and asked if I wanted anything. I accepted her offer of coffee and finally allowed myself to really look around. The interior of the home had been drastically changed since our time there, but enough similarities remained to cause dozens of images to flash through my mind. I was thankful there was a chair nearby. I collapsed into it and sighed out in frustration. I needed to clear my head if I wanted to get through the next few minutes without breaking down completely. I smiled politely when she joined me in the dining nook of the large kitchen. This room had been what initially sold us on this place. Bella loved to cook and bake and had immediately fallen in love with the state of art appliances and amble counter space.

"I don't know the best way to tell you this, so I'm just going to start at the beginning if that's okay," she started, bringing me back from my musings as she set a steaming mug in front of me. She chose a seat on the opposite side of the table from me and took a sip from her own drink before looking into my eyes. She looked as if she were about to cry and I had to fight the urge to grab her hand that rested on the table top between us.

"Sounds like a plan," I responded idiotically.

"That morning I had a doctor appointment, so I was waiting for you to come home to share the results with you. I was excited and apprehensive at the same time because I wasn't certain what your reaction was going to be. We had been getting along so well and I was worried about ruining that."

"Bella," I interrupted. "There is nothing you could have told me that could have altered my determination to get us back to where we had been at the beginning of our marriage," I promised, hoping to get that look off her face. She seemed so sad, and I just wanted her to be happy. Her words also triggered several questions to flash through my mind. Had she been sick? Did she have to face an illness alone? I didn't even want to contemplate the worst possible scenario. What if she had died? Oh, God, I couldn't even fathom how distraught I would have been if that had been the case.

"I'm not so sure about that," she argued. "You see, I took a precious opportunity away from you and didn't give you a chance to be a part of it. I never intended to hide it or keep it a secret; I just didn't get the chance to tell you. Then the worst happened and I couldn't face you after that. I was so lost and afraid. Hell, I couldn't even tell your family because I was scared they would hate me too." She began to sob uncontrollably and, instinctively, I walked around to her and sat in the chair next to her before pulling her onto my lap. I just wanted to try to help calm her.

For the first time ever, I truly wondered if whatever she was about to confess could really break us once and for all.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, I just like to play with them...

**A/N:** Sorry this one was a week late. My little man turned 3 years old and we had family in town longer than I anticipated. I know, I know she still hasn't gotten it out! But, I really had to end it here. I PROMISE she will spit it out next chapter :-D Pinky swear even!

I swear whoever came up the term 'terrible twos' must not have had to deal with a 3 year old. Little man gets worse each day and I miss the twos...the threes are the killers! He threw his first all out slapping, kicking, screaming, crying tantrum today and I thought I was going to hurt him trying to get him into his carseat. People around looked at me like I was a horrible parent or something. I was afraid he was going to hurt himself the way he was thrashing around. Once he finally came to his senses, all he wanted was to be cuddled. There is a reason we don't really remember our toddler years...


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Comes and Goes**

Reluctantly, I allowed Bella to pull away from me and sit back in her own chair. She appeared to be determined to get out what she wanted to say and I liked the idea of being able to see her face while she did so. As I sat there waiting for her to get herself back under control, I wondered what she could have to say that had her so truly worried. Certainly, she didn't think so little of me that she believed I could turn my back on the love I still felt for her. _Maybe I should just tell her_, I thought. Hearing those three little words might comfort her; at least, I hoped they could. There was the chance, however, that they could just make things worse. That possibility halted any further debate on the subject. No way would I jeopardize the frail foundation we were slowly building. We were already on a slippery slope of sorts and I couldn't risk losing her again.

"We made a baby during that period of reconciliation and I learned of my pregnancy that day," Bella suddenly blurted, pulling me from my thoughts. I could tell she was having a hard time actually saying anything more specific regarding the worst night of my life, so I didn't push her to elaborate. I longed to alleviate her discomfort, but I was too shocked by what she had just revealed. Was it possible that she had hidden a child from me all this time? Could she really be so cruel?

"You had a baby?" I found myself floundering within my own thoughts trying to come to terms with what she had just thrown at me. None of this made any sense. I had seen Bella several times throughout the months of our drawn-out divorce. Never in any of that time did she mention a child and she never looked pregnant. I would have noticed. Plus, wasn't she required to tell me that shit and work out some sort of custody arrangement? I was about to start demanding answers when she finally started speaking again.

"No."

I waited for her to continue, to give me some type of explanation, but she just sat there with a blank look on her face. I wanted to shake her until she told me everything, especially why she had just fucking told me she was pregnant if it wasn't true. She knew how much I had always wanted us to have kids. Was she deliberately trying to destroy me?

"Fuck, Bella, what the hell?" I practically yelled, reaching the end of my patience. I lurched to my feet and began pacing the length of the long room. My hair was in serious danger of being yanked from my scalp as I struggled to figure out what was going on with this woman.

"Edward, I…God, I thought I could do this." Again, Bella broke down into a sobbing mess, but I didn't have it in me to comfort her anymore. She needed to get her shit together fast and start making sense before I completely blew up at her.

"Just fucking say it, Bella. Are you trying to kill me with this shit?"

"Please, don't yell at me," she screamed in retaliation against my harsh tone. I knew I should take a few minutes to calm down, but I was too freaked out to do anything rational at that moment.

"You just told me you were pregnant when you left me and then said you didn't have a fucking baby. How the fuck do you expect me to behave?" I was fuming and unable to tone down the profanities that I was usually able to keep locked up in my inner monologues. My mom had raised me better than to cuss at a lady. There was no stopping them, though.

"Will you please sit down? I can't talk to you when you're like this," she wailed.

"Are you kidding me? You better find a way to deal with it because I'm too freaking wound up to sit right now." _At least I had refrained from saying 'fuck'_, I thought sarcastically.

"Damn it, Edward! Can't you see how hard this is for me?"

"This is hard for you? How the fuck to you think I feel, then?" I questioned as she glared in my direction. She wouldn't look me in the eye, though.

When she just continued to stare at me, I finally relented and made my way back over to the kitchen table.

"Fine," I spat as I sat down in the seat across the table from Bella, making sure to scratch the chair legs across the floor because I knew that shit irritated her. "Talk," I demanded as I gestured with my hand for her to carry on with her bullshit explanation.

Bella sat up straight and forcefully wiped the tears from her face before telling me everything I should have already known. "She would be two years old by now, if she had made it. When I went in for my check up at fifteen weeks, they couldn't find her heartbeat. I learned that very same day that she was a girl. I had endure them going in and pulling her out of my body. They wouldn't let me see her. They said she was too tiny to really make out her features anyway and that they didn't want me to see her like that. I don't really remember much after that. I was hospitalized for a week because my doctor said I wasn't fit to take care of myself during that time." Her robotic tone almost broke through the walls I had erected the moment I realized I had been a father for a total of fifteen fucking weeks and I never even knew about it.

Bella turned her head and began to stare out the window. Assuming she was finished talking, I got up and walked into the living room. I needed to put some space between us in order to prevent myself from lashing out at her.

All kinds of emotions boiled within me as I struggled to come to terms with everything Bella had just said. I should have a daughter; we should have a two year old little girl. I pictured a brown haired, brown eyed baby who looked just like a tiny Bella. I wondered what we would have named her and whether she'd be tall and lanky like me or petite and perfect like her mother. For a few minutes, I allowed myself to ponder what her first two years would have been like.

Then, I got angry. As misplaced as it was, I focused that anger on Bella. She had enjoyed being a part of our daughter's short life and had never shared any of it with me. Knowing I couldn't face her without saying things I would surely regret, I stomped forward and through the front door. I didn't stop until I reached my car. Without even glancing back, I climbed in and sped away.

Honestly, I had no intention of ever speaking to Bella again after that. We had both hurt each other irreversibly and I didn't see any point in rehashing the past at that point. All we ever did anymore was hurt each other. There really was no reason to continue trying to repair something that couldn't be fixed.

The next few weeks passed by in a haze. I couldn't distinguish one moment from the next as they all just blurred together in an endless loop of despair. I went from rage to self-loathing and back again. There was no end in sight and I wondered if I would ever get over what Bella had done. Blaming her was far easier than taking responsibility for my own crimes. Deep down, I knew I was at least partly to blame for what happened. Hell, my actions likely led to Bella's miscarriage. I let a woman into our home without regard to how that would look if Bella happened to see us. Even though I had never intended for that woman to even come inside, I had allowed it. I had gotten so drunk that my ability to make intelligent decisions had been impaired. I knew I was in no condition to let that woman drive me home that night, but I said yes when she offered, nonetheless. It was stupid. Bella leaving without even the decency to give me a chance to explain what she saw was even more stupid. She just assumed I was having an affair and decided our marriage was over. I never had the opportunity to resolve any of this. If she would have just let me talk to her, our daughter might still be alive.

During this time, I ignored the incessant calls from my family and once again withdrew from them. They would be disappointed in my behavior. There was no doubt in my mind about that. Esme would be ashamed of the way I had treated Bella. But, I really didn't feel like hearing their opinions on the matter. I knew with absolute certainty that I was being an ass. I simply refused to give a shit.

Denial is a beautiful thing.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight related. I really appreciate that she allows us to take her characters and put them in all kinds of crazy places, though.

**A/N:** Yes, she finally revealed her deep dark secret. Not that it wasn't probably pretty obvious already. So, Edward didn't take the news very well now did he? He just can't seem to quit screwing up where Bella is concerned.

I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. As I've mentioned before, I have a newly turned 3 year old and he's trying his best to make sure I don't have time for anything or anyone except him. Every time I even look at my laptop, I hear "Mommy, I want you!" It's sad, but he has me wrapped around his pudgy little finger. I'm really going to try my best to have the next chapter out on time - next Wednesday. Hopefully, little man will allow it :-)


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**And Then There was Nothing**

Just when I finally pulled my head out of my ass and decided I needed to figure out how to fix all this shit with Bella, Rosalie strutted into my office unannounced and unwelcomed. She looked like a fucking cobra ready to strike when she walked through my door. Before I could even say a word or tell her that I knew I was a total screw up, she laid into me with all the venom she possessed. Man, that woman had a mouth like a sailor when she was pissed. A raging bull had nothing on her. Rosalie was fierce in her protection of the ones she loved. Apparently, Bella was higher up on that list than I was because she really ripped me a new one for the way I had behaved.

I knew that my family had been there for Bella throughout the past three years, but I had no idea that she and Rosalie had become so close during that time. Part of what I admired most about my sister-in-law was her tendency to go above and beyond for those she truly cared about. Seeing her passionately defend Bella actually warmed my heart a little. I had been thankful when I learned my parents and siblings had given Bella the support I had been unable to provide after the divorce. Knowing that Rose was a part of that made me feel even better. Rose would ensure no one ever hurt Bella again, especially me.

"Look, asshole, get your shit together and figure out a way to make things right with Bella. She wasn't even this bad when she first broke down and told me about her miscarriage. I cannot even tell you how mad I am at you right now. She was finally in a better place emotionally and ready to tell you everything. I never thought she would get up the courage to confess what she sees as her biggest mistake. Do you have any idea what you've done to her?" Rose spat at me as I sat there knowing I deserved every last bit of her anger.

"I know, okay? I fucking know. I'm a total douche for just walking out on her like that, but I just didn't see any way of making this better for her. Plus, I was really fucking angry that she had kept it from me for all this time. Trust me, it was better that I got out of there when I did or I would have said and done a shitload of things that I would definitely have regretted. I just want to love her, but I'm really starting to believe that love may not be enough," I confessed, revealing my insecurities to both my brother's wife and myself. The heart of the matter was that I had never been and never would be good enough for Bella. She was perfect and all that is bright in this world.

"Stop that shit right now, Cullen. I can see that doubt creeping into your eyes and you better fucking think again. It is not okay to walk away from this just because you have some serious delusions regarding what Bella does and does not deserve." How the hell did she do that? I felt like she was reading my mind and it freaked me out – a lot.

"I don't know what to do or if there is even anything I could ever do or say that could make things right between us. We've hurt each other so much and I just don't know how we can recover from that. I wish I could believe that we have a chance, but I just… don't." I sighed as I plopped back down into my desk chair feeling defeated.

"Where is the Edward who fought tooth and nail to try to stop Bella from being granted a divorce? You told me you would never give up on getting her back." Rosalie was really angry by this point and I wondered how close she was to punching me out. I was pretty sure I could take her in a fair fight, but I was certain this woman would never fight fairly.

"Well, before you came storming in, I had just about talked myself into driving straight to Bella's after work. Now, I'm not so sure."

"Damn it, Edward, quit being such a pussy and go get your girl already." Rose was trying to hide the smile that played at the edges of her lips. She knew I was going to do exactly what she said, and she was glad that I had made that decision on my own. What she didn't seem to realize was that her little tirade actually made me even more nervous and hesitant about going over there.

Rather reluctantly, I made my way to my car shortly after five o'clock that evening. As determined as I was to set things right with Bella once and for all, I was scared as hell about whether or not she would even let me try. She had completely shut me out before and was likely to do it again. In a last ditch effort to delay the inevitable, I stopped at my place to change into more comfortable clothes. If I was going to have my heart broken, again, I may as well be comfy.

I spent the entire hour and a half drive over to Bella's trying to talk myself out of going. I even debated driving right on by and going to my parents' house instead. A thousand scenarios of how this conversation could go ran through my mind. Unfortunately, most of them ended with me leaving feeling even more dejected than I had when I arrived. Of course, this did nothing to help make me more confident about seeing her. I knew that if I tried to put it off any longer, however, I would never get there. So, with a determination I didn't think I possessed, I turned into her driveway and parked my car. After sitting there for about fifteen minutes, I finally found the courage to climb out and head toward her front door.

The lights were on in the front room and I could hear a familiar tune flowing through the damp night air. I smiled when I realized what song was playing. She had on _The Luckiest_ by Ben Folds Five. As the deep voice of Ben Folds made its way to my ears, I found myself longing to see my girl. The lyrics reminded me of how deep my feelings ran and how much I wanted to just be near her. Even fighting with Bella was way better than being without her. As weird as it seemed, I would rather be arguing with her than spend another second away from her. I laughed at the thought as my feet carried me up the steps to our once shared home.

Through the large windows, I could see all the way through to the kitchen where Bella stood with her back to me, stirring something in a large pot on the stove. I took a moment just to admire her beautiful form as she performed this most basic of tasks. I was enraptured by her, as usual. I couldn't believe such a stunning woman would ever willingly be mine. Yet, she had been mine at one time, and I just knew she would be mine once more.

A wave of nausea crashed into me as I noticed she wasn't alone. I watched in horror as a masculine arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her just out of my line of sight. Her giggling laughter reached my ears as I was literally brought to my knees by the sights and sounds before me. I was crushed, devastated, even though deep down I knew I had no right to be any of those things.

All logic had flown the coop as soon I'd seen the love of my life in another man's arms.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all thing Twilight related.

**A/N:** Sorry for another delay...I had my house full over the weekend and I'm still recovering from the visit with my in-laws. I swear my Mother-in-Law suffers from foot-in-mouth disease. She can be so infuriating but I have to play nice because hubs doesn't like to see her upset. It's sweet and I get where he's coming from but I don't have to like it. He knows she's horrible but he doesn't think that gives him the right to be the same. Gotta love the guy :-)

On a positive note...after a long search, we've finally found a house that we can both afford and that we like. So, we're moving in about three weeks. Hopefully, I'll be able to post a chapter a week for this story, but I just wanted to put it out there just in case.

Thanks for all the kind words I've received regarding this story! They make my heart super happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**Hot as Hell**

Sitting back on the steps of Bella's front porch, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. The last fifteen minutes had been spent emptying my stomach into the flowerbed next to me. My whole body hurt and I didn't even know the whole story yet. After watching him storm out of the art gallery, I hadn't given James another thought. Obviously, Bella had because he was currently hanging out in her kitchen cuddling with her as she cooked. I was in utter misery, wallowing out there trying not to imagine the two of them together. Apparently, I was hell-bent on torturing myself though because I remained rooted to the wood beneath me, listening to their garbled voices and loud laughter rather than leaving as I should.

A vibrating in my pocket brought me to my feet, so I walked a little away from the house to answer my phone. Rosalie was on the other end of the line immediately interrogating me regarding my visit with Bella. Her concern for both Bella and me was revealed in her voice, but my anger took over and I felt no sympathy for her. I needed to vent some of my frustration and Rose just happened to be convenient.

"You want to know how it's going?" I asked, seething. "Let me tell you, sister dear. The love of my life is currently entertaining another man. How do you think I feel?" I kept my voice low so it wouldn't carry into the house and give away my presence. For some crazy reason, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving even though it killed me to be there.

"Shit, Edward, I'm sorry. I really didn't think she had plans to see James tonight," Rose responded sounding sincerely contrite.

"So, you knew she was still seeing that bastard and you didn't think to tell me?" I was being unfair, but I didn't care at that moment.

"You're right. We're just so used to coddling your pansy ass that the thought didn't occur to me. The two of you just need to get all your shit out in the open and move passed your past. It's getting old and the rest of us just want our family whole again. So, did you two have a fight? You didn't attack James, did you?"

"Seriously, Rose? You think I would do that when she's so clearly happy with him being around? No, I'm being a _pansy ass_, lurking in her front yard wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do now," I confessed bitterly. If she were going to truly be able to help me, I needed to be completely honest with her about everything.

"Aw, Eddie, that's so sad and pathetic. Really, you should just knock on the door and get it over with or just home for now. James probably won't be too welcoming if you ruin his night with Bella. He doesn't get a lot of opportunity to see her these days."

"Ugh, I so don't want to hear anymore about this fucker, okay? I just want to talk to Bella, but there's no way I'm doing it with him around. I know I should just leave and try again another day. It's just so hard to leave her here. I've missed her so fucking much and I need to hold her so we can grieve for our little girl together. I think that's what I really need to get past it." I hated how much I was confessing to my sister-in-law, but now that the floodgates were open there was no stopping the flow.

"OK, OK, I get it. I just wanted to see how serious you really are about all this. Are you willing to be just her friend? Will you be able to settle with that? Because, if not, I think you should just walk away. If you push your way back into her life only to disappear later, you'll hurt her far more than you ever have before."

"Since when did you get so damn good at giving advice, Rosie?" I asked, bewildered by her words of wisdom.

"Ha, ha, asshole, just don't screw up this time because there is no way in hell we'll let you anywhere near her again if you do."

I hung up without saying goodbye, feeling like a scolded child all of a sudden. Of course, Rose was right. I really needed to make sure I could live with just being Bella's friend. Before seeing her with James, I thought I would be fine with that. But I wasn't so sure after witnessing them together so intimately and happy. I didn't know if I could handle having to watch her be with anyone that wasn't me. Even if she and James didn't work out, there would be others. I wasn't stupid enough to believe otherwise.

Bella was beautiful and intelligent. Her heart was pure and she had a way about her that drew people in like a moth to a flame. But the result of getting to know her was so much better than anything the moth got from making contact with the glowing fire. Instead of leading to destruction, she provided the sweetest shelter. Stupidly, I had taken all that for granted and lost the best thing I had ever known. I guessed that was my answer. She meant far more to me than even my own life and if I had to be her friend to have her at all, then that's what I would be. With that resolved, I stood, intending to get the hell out of there before I was noticed. I meant it when I told Rose I didn't want to have to deal with that James fucker. The less I knew about him and had to interact with him the better. If he stuck around long enough that I would have to be around him in order to see Bella, I'd deal with that when the time came. I needed to focus on one thing at a time at the moment. Anything more was too overwhelming, and I knew I'd just scare myself out of attempting to get back into Bella's life.

Unfortunately, I didn't get out of there unscathed. Just as I took one last look at the house, Bella turned to face the front windows and caught me. A slew of emotions were mirrored in her expression before she finally stopped on optimistic enthusiasm. That was about the time she noticed I was heading away rather toward her door. A look of puzzlement crossed her delicate features as she continued to stare at me as if I might not really be there at all. James chose that particular moment to approach her from behind and kiss her gently on the side of her neck. Unable to stomach another second of watching that shit, I bolted like the chicken shit Rose would claim me to be if, no when, she learned of my latest blunder of mass proportions. I was so fucked.

As I made my way home that night, I kept wondering if I should have interrupted their evening after all. By running away, I gave them all the alone time they could ever need. Shit, shit, shit. Why didn't I storm in there and mess up everything for them? The fact that I didn't left me picturing all the sordid things they could do in my absence. Rose was absolutely right when she called me a dumbass. I was beginning to see she was typically right about everything. Very reluctantly, I vowed to give her a call the next day to let her know what happened. I hoped I would get to her before Bella. I was pretty sure Bella wouldn't paint me in the best light and I couldn't risk the family being against me working things out with Bella. I needed them on my side if I had any chance with Bella.

So, with that in mind, I dialed my mom's number fully intending to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness. Rose wasn't the only woman I knew who had awesome intuition. I planned on using every weapon in my arsenal. Bella was just that important. I wasn't too proud to beg if necessary. I could use all the help I could get. Of course, calling my mom had been one of the best decisions I ever made. Not only was she fully supportive of my desire to reunite with Bella, she was also very willing to assist in any way she could. There was no getting the smile off my face that night as I drifted into a peaceful rest.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilighted but I appreciated her willingness to let us manipulate her awesome characters.

**A/N: **I must confess that this chapter did not go through as much editing as I typically try to do before posting. We're moving in a week and we've been crazy busy. But, I'm so happy to be moving out of this apartment and finally getting a yard that it's worth all the craziness! Thanks so much for continuing to read this story despite all the heart fail. Edward and Bella will be talking _a lot_ next chapter, so I hope that makes up for Edward's flippant behavior as of late.

Hopefully, I'll see you all again next week :-)


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**And Counting**

With a plan in mind, I distractedly moved through my day, performing the tasks of my job. Ben just laughed good-naturedly when I explained my need for a few days off at the end of the week. We had talked briefly about what was going on between Bella and me, so he wasn't too surprised by my request. He even wished me luck as I left the office on Wednesday, telling me he expected details come Monday. I laughed heartily at his enthusiasm as well as his optimism. I hoped he was right and that all would go accordingly.

My mom assured me several times that everything would be fine when I called her on the way to my house. I needed to stop for a few things before heading over to Bella's. Thanks to Mom, I knew Bella would actually be home and _alone_ when I got there. Of course, I had been adamant about that part. There was no way I could stand to see her with James again just yet. At least not until she and I got the chance to talk things through. If she still wanted to date that scum-sucker after that then I wouldn't try to stop her. I would do my damndest to be a supportive friend to her like she deserved.

Once I had gathered everything I needed from home, I headed to the store for one more necessary item. This night was either going to be one of the best of my life or the worst. I sincerely hoped for the first option. Not able to put it off any longer, I started the drive to Bella's house, using the time it took to get there to try to help calm my nerves. When I pulled into her driveway, I was literally shaking. Small tremors were coursing through me and I thought my heart was going to pound its way out of my chest. Of course, I wasn't even given the opportunity to take a few deep breaths and steady myself a little. One of the front curtains moved slightly and I saw Bella's large, surprised eyes peeping out at me. She looked startled by my presence. For some reason, her obvious discomfort helped ease mine just a tad.

Before I even made it to the steps of her porch, Bella opened the door. Her expression was still wide-eyed as she took in my unexpected appearance. I was a little more dressed up than I would normally be for work, and I knew she could tell I had something up my sleeve. She had always known me so well. I used to hate how well she could see through all my defenses and right down to the heart of my true self. She loved me anyway for so long, but, eventually, even all her love wasn't enough to keep my insecurities and demons at bay. Bella was the only woman I'd ever met who looked past the charming good looks I was always accused of having and had actually seen _me_. Being a part of a wealthy family in a smaller community ensured everyone knew what my name meant and several girls had tried to "snatch" me up in order to secure a comfortable future. Not my Bella, though. Hell, she had fought against our overwhelming attraction for one another at first.

Looking back up at her scared expression, I knew I had to make this right no matter what the cost. We continued to stare at each other for a few minutes before I finally gathered enough courage to speak. She jumped at the sound of my voice as it carried through the silence that had settled between us and I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face. Bell had always been easily startled. The smile she gave me in return took my breath away. God, she was so beautiful. Even standing there in a t-shirt, jeans and bare feet, I thought she was the most amazing woman I had ever seen. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I loved being able to see all of her face.

"Hi," I half-whispered, unwilling to scare her again tonight.

"Hi," she answered, including a small wave even though we were standing less than three feet apart at this point. She was just too adorable.

"May I come inside?" I asked hesitantly still so uncertain of how she would react to my visit.

"Um, yeah, of course, please," she stuttered before ushering me into her home. It was so hard not to think of it as our home even though we hadn't lived there together in so long.

"Thank you, Bella. I know I don't deserve the chance to explain the deplorable way I acted the last time we spoke," I stated, hoping she would understand I wanted the chance to talk about it despite the fact that I knew she didn't owe me the opportunity to do so.

"Edward, I can understand that what I said was a shock to you. I'm just glad you're here now. But, to be honest, I'm completely surprised," she confessed rather shyly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about just showing up here, but I was worried you would just tell me not to come if I asked." I wanted to continue to be completely honest with her, knowing it was the only way to truly win back her trust.

"It's fine. I guess I just thought…after you left without even knocking the other night that, I wouldn't see you again for awhile. The look on your face…Edward, I'm sorry if seeing him here made you uncomfortable." Again, she was stammering and stuttering her way through what she wanted to say. I hated that she was so unsure around me these days.

"And I'm sorry I left so abruptly. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to see the two of you, umm, together and I'm afraid I didn't react very well."

"Why are you here now?" she asked. Her eyes were looking up at me in a way that made speaking difficult. God, I loved her so much. I really hoped I could behave around her and stick to the boundaries of friendship.

"I'm here to apologize and to try to spend some time getting to know you again. I know you've changed during the past few years, and I wanted us to get reacquainted with each other."

"I'd like that." She smiled a genuine smile as her eyes danced with hope. I loved that she was being so accepting of my eagerness to be in her life once more.

"Let me take care of dinner while you relax for a little bit?" This was phase one of my plan, and I really hoped she hadn't already eaten. That would throw off everything, and I wasn't sure I could deviate without feeling even more anxious than I already did.

"Edward, you don't have to…"

"Bella, I know I don't have to. I want to. Besides, most of it is already done, I just need to heat up a few things and do a little chopping. So, just let me do this, okay?" I interrupted her before she could try to talk me out of what I sincerely wanted to do for her.

"Oh, okay. I just don't want you to go through too much trouble on my behalf." She apparently still had issues with others doing things for her.

"Go," I shooed her teasingly into the other room as I ran back out to the car to grab the bags I'd brought.

I began to take out the things I'd brought for our dinner and set the oven so it could preheat. Everything had to be perfect or I knew I would lose the frail hold I had on my emotions. The stress was making me sweat despite the cool air breezing in through the open window above the sink. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this nervous. So much hinged on this night going well that I had convinced myself if anything went wrong, even the smallest detail, all hope would be lost. I couldn't shake these asinine thoughts no matter how ridiculous I knew they were.

Bella poked her head around the corner, and I couldn't help laughing at her not so subtle attempt to see what I was doing. Some things never changed. I truly hoped that proved to be true in several areas that evening, especially where her heart was concerned. Standing there smiling shyly in front of me, Bella gave me something I hadn't felt in so long – hope.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight related...

**A/N: **So sorry for the delay in updating! We are finally all moved into our new home, but now I'm burdened with the task of unpacking everything. It's overwhelming at times. I had no idea we had so much stuff! But I'm really hoping there won't be anymore delays in getting chapters out to you for this story. Feel free to follow me on Twitter (StoryPainter) and I promise to follow back :-) I mostly tweet about my little man who is 3 and does all sorts of entertaining things, but I also tweet about my writing and love chatting with all the great people from the fandom.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Dinner and a Movie**

After several attempts to keep Bella out of the kitchen, I finally relented and let her come watch me prepare our dinner. There really wasn't much for me to do thanks to my mom. She had a chef friend of hers put together a rather elaborate meal, so all I had to do was heat up the entrée and side dishes and make the salad. Reluctantly, I allowed Bella to help chop the vegetables while we talked amicably. I relished this time with her, being so carefree and comfortable around each other. These were the moments I'd missed the most.

Once everything was ready, we set the table together. Bella smiled shyly whenever she caught me watching her, but I just couldn't stop staring. She was so extremely entrancing and I kept noticing subtle changes that had me searching for more. There was a new freckle on the crook of the inside of her elbow that I desperately wanted to kiss. Her ponytail curled a little more than it used to and there were new lines on her forehead when she concentrated on something. Of course, these things only managed to make her even more beautiful than ever.

"Edward, I can't believe you put all this together. Thank you," Bella stated once she had finished eating. I smiled at her warm expression.

"No need to thank me, Bella. I wanted to show you that I meant it when I told you I want us to be a part of each others' lives again."

We relaxed at the table for a few minutes before I got up to clear the dishes and grab the dessert out of the oven. Bella tried to follow me, but I told her to stay there while I went into the kitchen. Very grudgingly, she sat back down, crossing her arms over her chest to let me know she wasn't happy about it. I couldn't help laughing as I walked away. The crème Brule the chef had made looked amazing and I couldn't wait to taste it. I would have to remember to take an extra tip to him next time I was near his restaurant.

"Oh, God, Edward, I can't manage another bite," Bella moaned as she put down her spoon and leaned back in her chair.

"Well, I'm happy to see you enjoyed it," I responded, smiling widely. I was so glad everything was going well and hoped it continued that way.

"Would you like to sit on the couch so we can talk?" Bella seemed hesitant as she asked, so I wanted to reassure her that there was nowhere else I'd rather be than by her side.

"After you," I said as I motioned for her to go ahead.

She tried to protest about cleaning up, but I assured her I would take care of it all before I left. I really wanted to take care of everything that night. Once she gave in, we headed to the living room and settled into the couch. We each took a side. I hated the distance between us, but I knew it was for the best. The conversation was likely to be hard on each of us, and it was probably better if we were out of striking range so to speak. I was so nervous that I just sat there fidgeting. Starting the discussion was even harder than I expected. I squirmed in my seat for a few minutes, allowing the silence to linger way longer than it should have. We really needed to get this out so that we could truly move on, hopefully, together. Unexpectedly, Bella reached over and placed her hand on my bouncing knee. I hadn't realized it was moving. We smiled awkwardly; I was finally able to relax a little. Taking a deep breath, I decided it was now or never.

"I want to apologize again for the way I left things after you told me about the miscarriage. Of all the things I expected, that particular possibility had never crossed my mind. I'm so sorry, Bella." My words allowed us to start opening up about what happened and where we wanted to go from here.

"Edward, I owe you an apology too. I never should have just run away from our marriage like that. I should have stayed at least long enough to face what happened that night and given you a chance to explain. Even though our marriage wasn't great at the time, I knew better than to really believe you had slept with all those women the rumors indicated. Ignoring them was pretty easy at first because we were always together and I knew exactly where you were and who you were with if you weren't with me. Once work picked up and you were gone more than you were home, those seeds of suspicion that had been planted over the months took root and I began to doubt everything I thought I knew. I should have told you about my concerns rather than run away, but my fear of the worst possible outcome gripped me tightly. I reacted horribly, and I truly am sorry for that." Bella confessed as I listened intently. No more would I miss out or mess things up simply because I failed to actually hear what she was saying.

"I guess neither of us are blameless here. Can we just start over? Well, not completely because I never want to forget what we had – both the good and the bad – I never want to make the same mistakes or disregard how good things once were. That would just be a shame. Can we take what we have learned from our mistakes and our accomplishments and use them to move forward to a better relationship? I know that you're with James, but I want you in my life in whatever capacity you can handle." I really was laying it all on the line. If she were going to reject me, I'd rather it be now rather than later. I didn't want to intertwine our lives together just to lose her all over again. There was no way I'd survive a second time.

"That sounds like a great way to look at things, and I'd be disappointed if we couldn't find a way to at least be friends again." Her words were like a balm for my aching soul. For the first time in years, I felt calm. Ever since our marriage had started cracking, I felt like a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment. There was no peace in knowing that I was letting the woman I loved down. Hopefully, this time would be different.

"Okay, now that we've gotten that settled, why don't we pick out a movie to watch? I'd like to spend some time just hanging out without all the drama," she suggested with a warm smile on her beautiful face. I nodded and watched as she perused the DVDs on her entertainment stand.

When she picked a comedy, I knew we were okay. For the moment, at least, we were friends and we were on our way to rebuilding what was lost.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight related.

**A/N**: I know it's been way too long since my last update, and I'm truly sorry for that. I could give you all the excuses I have for not updating, but I know excuses are just like arm pits. We all have them and they all stink. So, I'll just ask for your forgiveness and try not to let you down again, okay?


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** OMG! Is this really an update? It is, it is! Is anyone even still here?

**Brief recap (since it's been forever!):** Bella left Edward after she thought she caught him cheating on her, and it's been 3 years since they've seen each other. He learns at her first art gallery showing that she's been in touch with his family the whole time. Bella made sure Edward was invited and exhibited paintings of him (well parts of him anyway) and Edward set out trying to win her back. Unfortunately, there is a boyfriend, James, in his way and Bella revealed she'd been pregnant when she left him. Edward is distraught when he learns she lost the baby - and of course, blames himself - but eventually comes around. He's on a mission to befriend her and remind her how good they were together before everything fell apart. He just made them dinner and they retired to her living room (in the first house they lived in after getting married) to watch a movie. That's where we left these two, so let's see what they're up to now...they must have been watching the longest movie of all times for it to have taken this long, right? :-D

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

**The Day After**

We had been enjoying the movie, but, about half way through, I noticed she was struggling to keep her eyes open. I tried not to laugh as I watched her fight the inevitable. Bella never could stay awake much after ten o'clock at night. When she slumped over, I resisted the urge to let her head fall into my lap. I wanted that, but I was pretty sure she would be upset if she happened to wake up that way. Instead, I moved to a nearby chair and took up sentry. She mumbled quite a bit, but I couldn't make out anything she said. I wished she would give me some clue as to what she was dreaming about even though I worried that she wasn't dreaming of me. As I watched Bella's sleeping form sprawled out on the couch, I let my mind wander to images of a better future. Certain that we could get through our past after our talk, I was more than ready to see where this newfound friendship could lead. She looked so peaceful, and I was elated that she felt comfortable enough around me to fall asleep.

"You promised to love me forever, remember?" I whispered to my sleeping beauty. "I'm so sorry I wasn't the husband I should have been to you, but I promise you, with everything that I am, if you ever give me another chance, I will never let you down again. I swear," I vowed to her even though I knew she couldn't hear me. I wasn't sure she was ready to hear that declaration just yet anyway.

Pulling the blanket from the back of the couch, I made sure she was as comfortable as possible before I left the living room. After quickly cleaning up the kitchen and putting away the leftovers, I made my way to the front door. Luckily, she had a lock on her doorknob, so I could lock up as I left. There was a deadbolt too, but there was no way for me to lock that from the outside without having a key. At least I didn't have to leave it completely unlocked. Not that I would have minded an excuse to stay. Since our alliance was so fresh, I refrained from pushing things and drove away with a heavy heart. _One day_, I promised to myself, _I won't have to leave_. Somehow, I first had to make her realize how much we still loved each other.

James was going to be a problem. Rose confided in me she wasn't really fond of him, and he was a persistent little parasite. Bella liked him and the attention her gave her, according to Rose, so I knew I couldn't expect her to just leave him. Things between us were on shaky ground as it was. I couldn't ask her to give up something she relied upon just to take a chance with me. I would have to be patient and prove to her that I wasn't going anywhere. Showing her was the only way to earn back her trust and would take time. There really was no way around that fact. Thinking of them together, however, made me wish there was another, faster route.

Bella and I got into a routine of talking on the phone at least once a day after our night at her house. I avoided any topics that might lead to James being mentioned, and she never brought him up either. After a few weeks of just talking on the phone, we started meeting for lunch twice a week. Her studio ended up being just two blocks away from my office. I wondered how we hadn't run into each before; especially considering our discovery we frequented the same eateries in the area. She seemed to enjoy our time together as much as I did and even began looking sad whenever we had to leave each other's company. Part of me worried that I was just imagining it all. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see.

Two months passed in this manner, and I feared if we continued this way, she would cast me into the friend zone forever. Since that was a completely unacceptable option, I turned to Rose for advice . . . again. She hadn't steered me wrong yet and actually seemed eager to help me in my quest to win back Bella's heart. Rose assured me that Bella and James rarely saw each other anymore, and Bella was really starting to question why she was even still with him. I had really needed to hear that. I wanted to think Bella and I still had a chance for a happily ever after, but that would never happen as long as she clung to her relationship with James. Rose thought Bella was using him as a sort of crutch or a buffer. Keeping him around meant that she didn't have to worry about anything happening between her and me. I thought Rose was right, especially after Bella used him as an excuse any time I asked to spend time with her outside of our normal lunch meetings. She seemed extremely hesitant to hang out with me at night again.

Everything changed one afternoon, however. When Bella called and told me she couldn't get away from her studio for lunch, I tried really hard not to whine too much. She quickly made me feel better by asking me to come by after work that evening. I was so anxious to see her I actually left the office an hour early, texting her on the way there to make sure it was okay for me to be a little earlier than she expected. Bella assured me it was fine and even responded saying she was glad. I stopped by our favorite Italian place and picked up dinner before making my way to see my girl. Yep, I had started thinking of her that way again over the course of the previous two months. I saw it as inevitable at that point.

Bella hugged me a little tighter than usual when I arrived, and she immediately pulled me into her office. We ate while talking about her day. She was working with some hoity-toity art collector on a few pieces, and the guy was making the process difficult for Bella.

"How can he expect me to stay inspired if he wants to dictate every minute detail? It's ridiculous. I can't even tell you how close I was to telling him to shove it all up his ass this afternoon," Bella ranted as we finished our entrees.

"Here, maybe this will make you feel better," I told her, handing her the surprise dessert I'd brought.

"Is that tiramisu?" she asked excitedly.

"Of course," I answered, happy that I could still make her smile like that.

Once she took her last bite, she did something that shocked the hell out of me. She moved everything from the couch where we were sitting to the coffee table in front of us. Within the blink of an eye, Bella was on my lap, straddling me. Her face was inches from mine, and she was looking at me with a sense of longing I hadn't seen in her for a very long time. She leaned in and kissed me hesitantly at first, but once she realized I was kissing her back, she deepened the kiss. As soon as I realized where her actions were heading, right around the time her fingers started unbuttoning my pants, I had to make sure of one thing.

"Promise me you won't regret this in the morning," I begged her.

She nodded and pulled off her shirt, tossing it on the floor behind her.

* * *

**A/N:** Would it help you to forgive me if I told you chapter 16 is almost finished? These two stopped talking to me there for a while, but I'm so glad to have them in my head again - they still have to battle all the other voices, but they seem pretty determined to have their story finished.

Thank you! Just your being here means everything to me.

~SP

**Disclaimer:** Same as always - I mean no harm and I claim no ownership of Stephenie Meyer's creations!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Lunch with the Enemy**

That wasn't good enough. I needed more than just a nod. I needed to hear her tell me she wouldn't regret it if we made love. I wasn't asking for a promise of a future together, I just wanted to know that she wouldn't hate me, or herself, in the morning. I didn't think that was too much to ask.

"Bella," I called softly, trying to pull back a little so I could see her eyes.

"Edward, I don't know what you want me to say," she sighed, frustration clear in her expression.

"I want you to say that you won't regret it If we do this."

"What makes you think I would regret it? I'm the one instigating it, aren't I?"

"Why? Why here? Why now? Bella, you can't blame me for being worried about losing you. I can't go through that again."

"I promise, Edward, that I will never regret being with you."

That was all the reassurance I needed. My resolve was already wearing thin as it was. She was straddling me without her shirt on. There was only so much a man could resist. I was relieved by her assurance nonetheless. I knew I would have given in without her saying the words, but it would have tainted everything with my concerns of the possible repercussions. This way, I could simply enjoy being with her like this.

Without further hesitation, I dove in, attacking her neck with my lips, tongue and teeth. Her reactions encouraged me as I continued my assault along her collarbone and chest. Utilizing my knowledge of her body, I went straight for all the areas I knew would drive her crazy. The nook on the back of her neck, just below her ear, was one of my favorites. Her resulting moan had me instantly on the edge, but I forced myself to rein it in. I wanted to leave no doubts about how in love with her I was. Rushing things wouldn't leave the impression I was hoping to make.

Her skin was so soft, and I relished in the feel of it. Oh, how I had missed being able to touch her. Moving slowly, I unclasped and removed her bra. I spent several minutes worshipping the newly revealed skin. Her breasts were magnificent, and I made sure to show my appreciation to each and every centimeter of them. Her hips had more of a curve to them than I remembered, so I had to explore the change there.

"As much as I'm enjoying this attention, I'm dying here," Bella moaned out after a while.

We quickly shed the rest of our clothing, but I refused to rush anymore after that. I needed to show my adoration to every inch of her body. It had been far too long since I'd seen so much of her. It pained me to move with such slow precision, but it was a good kind of pain. A kind of pain I never thought I'd experience again. There was no way I was going to take this for granted ever again.

Our night together was amazing. It was tender and sweet mixed with rough and demanding. I couldn't get enough of her, so I took her several times before we finally got dressed and headed home. Well, Bella went home, and I went back to my apartment. That night I dreamed of a future with Bella. Her stomach was beautifully rounded from carrying our child. We were blissfully happy, and I clung to the hope that dream brought as I made my way through my morning routine the next day.

Unfortunately, our affection from the previous night did not continue when we met for lunch. Nothing had really changed, other than our lunches together going from twice a week to five, and the nothing was the problem. We remained cordial and friendly, but that was the extent of our interactions. I tried not to let it bother me too much. When I asked her about what that night meant, her answer was that it meant everything but that she just needed time. I hoped she was being honest and just needed the chance to come to terms with what had happened between us. She was still happy to see me each day and still seemed reluctant to leave me at the end of each lunch hour together. I decided that was enough for the time being. I would give her time if that was what she needed.

That was before I ran into her having lunch with James. I should have known something was amiss when she turned me down for lunch for the first time in almost four months. Apparently, she had decided to have lunch with James instead. I couldn't help the anger I felt when I saw the two of them together that afternoon anymore than I could help loving Bella. Of course, she tried to smooth away the tension created when I approached them. I really should have just walked away before they had a chance to notice me. Obviously, that would have been the better option.

When she noticed my expression, Bella actually shrank away from me a little. That only fueled my anger and paved the way for what occurred next. Not that I would ever blame my actions on Bella's response. She had every right to be afraid of me in that moment. I wasn't thinking clearly, and all I could see was the woman I loved with another man. Finally, I fully appreciated what Bella must have felt that night she left me. I'd seen her and James together before but it was muted by the shock of seeing her again after so long. There were no such hindrances to quell my anger this time.

"Hello, Bella, James," I greeted them kindly enough. Bella could see the fury in my eyes and watched me skeptically as I shook James' hand. I may have gripped a little harder than could be considered polite.

"Edward, right?" James questioned in response. He remembered me well. His expression gave him away.

"Yep, that's me. The ex-husband," I stated to make sure he knew _exactly_ who I was.

"Well, it was nice bumping into you, Edward, but I'm afraid we're rather pressed for time today. I have a client coming in to look at the pieces I'm working on for her and need to get back to my studio soon," Bella said, trying to get away from me as quickly as possible. I could tell she was extremely uncomfortable.

James looked between us curiously. I guessed he hadn't realized they were in a hurry. After staring her down for a few moments, I turned my attention back to James, choosing to ignore her statement. No way did I want to let them out of my sight and leave them alone together. James straightened his shoulders and faced me directly for the first time. I hadn't realized how large he was until that moment. He wasn't quite as tall as me, but he was definitely more muscular. For a moment, I wondered if Bella preferred that look.

"I'm sure we have time to spare, babe. Why don't you join us for a bit, Edward?" James asked, trying his best to look unaffected by my presence.

"I'd love to, thank you," I answered and pulled up a third chair to their two person table.

Apparently, I was determined to torture myself thoroughly.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I can't take credit for the characters she created...

**A/N:** Can't these two just figure things out and live happily ever after already? Any guesses as to why Bella is having lunch with James?

Thanks for reading :-) I like when you share your thoughts with me too :-)

~SP


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